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2012 Grainiums Staff
Me (standing, far left),
and
(from left to right) the
rest
of the staff.
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**For Grainiums' international travelers preferring their temps in °Celsius, the conversion formula is ((°F-32)(5))/9. Do your own math.
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| One of the few debates that did not end up in my favor was in how to interpret this sign. |
To keep expenses down, my staff and I shared sleeping quarters. (The signed consent form allowing me to do this is on file in a records office in Clark County, Nevada.) We also stayed in places offering complimentary breakfasts, which when serving bagels and whole fruit can turn into complimentary lunches, too!
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They asked me if I would
take their picture, so I
did…with my camera
(which I thought was funny).
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One bonus of being an American is that spending time in popular vacation spots in the U.S. is like going to Europe without leaving the country. Foreigners love visiting our country, the historic landmarks, and national parks where they can get a taste of the American lifestyle, along with a sense of what living here would have been like for them had a few wars gone their way. Of course, the downside to vacationing in American parks is the foreigners. The subtleties of American English don't always translate well, nor does our sense of humor (or humour).
And sometimes there are so many foreign travelers that bumping into another American takes one off guard. My staff photographer (see above staff photo, second from left), who looks German, surprised another photographer who, upon discovering my photographer was American, said she was the first American he'd spoken to all day. He went on to talk a little between-you-and-me shit about foreigners, clearly unaware that the two blonde, teenage boys standing nearby were not her American kids but German tourists.
Notwithstanding the photographer's faux pas, having guests from other countries not beginning with the letter "F" and rhyming with "dance" gives us an opportunity to showcase what a wonderful place the U.S. can be. And beyond the financial gain of tourism dollars, the mixing of cultures allows us to experience our country from the perspective of people who generally abhor our politics and our "Number One" foam finger attitudes. I have taken a look at a few of our more prominent international visitors and rated them. Please note the opinions expressed are completely subjective, based solely on my experiences with them, and are not indicative of the entire nationality or culture. Except for the French.
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| No! No! Oh, hell, no! |
German - Germans rank second only to the British in terms of likability as tourists. First and foremost, they aren't French. They are polite, they know how to dress appropriately, and they have a wilderness quality through which they tend to exhibit enjoyment of outdoor activities (hiking, biking, skiing, etc.). And let's face it, when you're around people who are enjoying themselves, it rubs off a little and makes ein glücklicher tag für alle. The only negative is that it can become somewhat unnerving being surrounded by a large, organized group of people wearing khaki and hovering over maps marking travel routes while speaking German.
Hispanics - Yeah, uh, hard to tell who's working and who's visiting, especially in Arizona. The closest I came to figuring out who's who was this:
City park with picnic benches, ice chest full of beer, soccer ball = locals
State/National park with fee-based entry = tourists
Bureau of Land Management property = "tourists"
British - Wonderful people for many reasons, including that they aren't French. Plus, they speak English with a refined, noble quality that adds a touch of elegance to dirt. Nice people to chat with. Very low key and proper. Not pushy. Golly gee, they're nice people. So much so that I really don't have anything bad to say about them.
Okay...their teeth. Look, if you have the money to travel abroad, you have the money to get your grill aligned. No excuses.
Japanese - The Japanese are the model of efficiency in the world of tourism. They run tours with the precision of operating an assembly line. They all get off the bus together, eat together, take photos together, and leave together. And except for the one asshole with the schedule barking instructions, they do all of this quietly. I used to cringe whenever I saw a tour bus roll into a parking lot because I knew a stream of camera-clutching humanity was going to spill out and crowd prime viewing areas. I'd be like everyone else wanting to avoid the masses and pack up my shit to leave. But then I noticed everyone else leaving, so I sat back and waited. My patience paid off! Sooner than I expected, the bus would load up, be gone, and I owned hours of unobstructed views. You see, because the Japanese run on an incredibly tight schedule, I found I can avoid them from stop to stop just by getting their travel timing down. Five minutes to get off the bus, fifteen minutes of pictures, five minutes to get on the bus...twenty-five minutes of lead time is an insignificant delay to get to commune with nature virtually alone. And because I'm following behind them, they're clearing out the stops ahead of me and finding parking's a breeze!
And that's a tip you won't get on the Travel Channel.
