Words, Part 5: The Hell You Say

Blogger's note: "Words" is an ongoing feature in which I take a look at special qualities and misrepresentations of the English language, how much fun it is to play with its words, and why it reigns as one of the hardest languages to master.


An Oklahoma high school graduate has been denied her diploma for using the word "hell" during her commencement speech.

At Prague High School, you can’t say 

the word “hell,” but you can cheer 

your fucking heart out for the Devil.

In her 2012 Prague High School graduation speech, the young lady - the class valedictorian, who had a 4.0 grade point average - recounted her frustration at repeatedly facing the question as she neared graduation about what she wanted to do with her life. Her response: "How the hell do I know? I've changed my mind so many times." After the graduation ceremony, she went to pick up her diploma and was told she wasn't going to get it. The reason, according to the school district superintendent, was that she didn't present the speech as written and approved by the school. The draft of the speech she submitted to the school that was approved used the word "heck." Her use of the word "hell" instead was deemed "language that was inappropriate for a graduation exercise." Said the Prague city manager, "I don't think language like that should be used in school, and as society starts accepting stuff like that, it becomes your normal," adding, "...you gotta have rules, and there's ways to change rules if you don't think they're right."

Yeah, language rules. Those are important. Otherwise saying things like "gotta" and "there's ways" become "your normal."

Now anyone who has followed the topics in this blog, particularly the Words series, knows how I feel about the use of language. There shouldn't be a problem with any word as long as the content of what's said is in the proper context of being said and the user accepts responsability for saying it. Especially when it comes to profanity. And if the word "hell" qualifies as profanity in this day and age, it's bush league profanity at best. Located between "heck" and "fuck" on the progressive scale of interjections, "hell" is one of those words that allows you to push the vocabulary envelope while you're pushing the maturity envelope. It's just enough of an attention-getter to announce you're growing up, but not quite potty-mouth enough to get a bar of soap shoved down the back of your throat.

As for her speech, I didn't find anything particularly shocking in what the young lady said. Sure, she stepped away from her script, but it's not like she went Sarah Silverman-open mike on the crowd. All she did was replace one innocuous word with another. (Technically, she replaced two letters (c, k) of one word with one different letter (l) used twice (l, l), consecutively (ll), to form another word.) A student's commencement speech is supposed to be more than a regurgitation of yearbook memories and band room anecdotes. It's supposed to mark the final stage of the transition from the halls of the school's protective cocoon - can't say "womb" in Oklahoma schools - and, hopefully, nurtured by - nor can you say "after suckling at the teat of" - knowledge, children will emerge - "be reborn?" Nope - as adults ready to survive in the wilds of the world. Having sat through my share of graduation speeches, I can tell you that the best speeches were the ones that had some personality behind them, ones that were balanced with elements of seriousness and humor, with an occasional finger flick to the earlobe to keep your attention, you know, like a valedictorian saying "hell." Compared to the young lady's presentation, I'm sure the faculty speeches were akin to rubbing a brick back and forth against the forehead.

In my opinion, the school administration, the district superintendent and the city manager overreacted. Had they been paying attention they would have noticed through the light laughter and applause that nobody else cared. Not the audience. Not the student body. Just them. I understand the "rules are rules" concept, but I also understand there is the letter of a rule, and the spirit of a rule. This is not a case of a student who narrowly escaped attending a fifth year of high school spewing a publicly humiliating rant during the ceremony. This is an honor student who said something intelligent, articulate and socially acceptable - or at least acceptable outside Oklahoma. I'm sure a stern lecture with frowny faces expressing disappointment by the school administrators would have sufficed instead of them pulling the sticks out of their asses to hit her.

Now to be fair, it should be noted the school and district administrators aren't the only ones who used poor judgment. The young lady's father needs to be put in check, too, for citing the 1st Amendment in defense of his daughter. This isn't a freedom of speech issue, dad. She exercised that right when she edited her speech at the microphone. So stop waving the flag and the Constitution and the Bill of Rights and your whole "young men putting their lives on the line to protect those rights" pandering to condemn what this really is, which is a lack of sensibility issue. Standing up for your kid doesn't always mean opening your mouth for them. She's not twelve, so give her advice if she asks for it, counsel her if she needs it, but otherwise stand there, shut up and let her do her thing. A 4.0 GPA doesn't include life experience, so let her get some.

The school administration's remedy was to request a formal, written apology from the young lady in exchange for her diploma, which she's refusing to do. And good for her. She did all of her required writing assignments during her four years at the school. The diploma is only symbolic, anyway. She should just take the frame she was going to put it in and put a copy of the news story inside it instead, then just go on with her life after telling the school administration to go to "heck."

Lil' Smokies

21 burned in walk over hot coals at Robbins event - Associated Press, Sat, July 21, 2012

And in other news, thirty-four people drowned at a lakeside Christian retreat when they attempted to walk on water...

Okay, people didn't really drown, but at least twenty-one people were reportedly treated for injuries as serious as second- and third-degree burns on the soles of their feet after walking across a ten-foot long bed of hot coals during a Tony Robbins motivational seminar in San Jose, California. While I'm compelled to wonder why that number didn't stop at one, there are enough documented instances of punch drinking, sweat lodging and prayer healing to remind me that follow-the-leadership is alive and well in the world, and that P. T. Barnum provided a better reference for human existence than Darwin did.

For anyone who hasn't watched television during some 24-hour period in the past thirty years, Tony Robbins is a self-help coach and motivational speaker who has made millions of dollars helped millions of people by preaching that the proper mental approach to life can bring personal success. To them, too.

This is the only way I want my little

piggies over a bed of hot coals.

The firewalk was part of the "Unleash the Power Within" motivational seminar through which one can experience "the opportunity to 'understand that there is absolutely nothing you can't overcome.'" It was not immediately clear if that included overcoming severe burns in order to unleash the power of walking.

Hot Fact: Human skin will begin to burn at approximately 130 degrees Fahrenheit. The reported temperature range of coals for the Robbins firewalk was 1,200 to 2,000 degrees Fahrenheit. Math.

Firewalking is a stunt. It's not a miracle, and it's not supernatural. There are various scientific reasons why one wouldn't suffer burns or blisters while walking across a bed of hot coals. So put the cape away, Superman, 'cause it's not necessarily a high-risk activity. If done correctly, it can be done successfully and consistently. That's why it's an activity that a Mr. Robbins-type self-helper would employ in a motivational program as opposed to something really challenging like, oh, walking blindfolded across a four-lane highway. Or something even more difficult, like saying "No." What makes it a risk or a challenge to be triumphed is the belief it is just that. We are taught to fear fire, and overcoming that fear is a huge psychological boost. A boost that, say, someone who wants to guide you to the next price level would use because now you believe they can further help you.

I have no doubt the mind has the ability to control pain, but no state of mind can prevent the physical properties of an outside source (intense heat) from causing damage to your body (burned flesh). There are only two parts of one's mental state that is tapped for this or any other risky exercise that opposes conventional wisdom: believing that it can be done, and making the decision to do it. Nothing more, nothing less. And neither of those is immune to failure.

In Robbins' defense, his organization claims to have been providing this experience for more than thirty years and takes precautions to "ensure this event is always done in the safest way possible." Those precautions include having medical staff at the ready and providing warnings to participants "they might get burns or blisters." There was no mention if liability release waivers were signed by participants prior to attempting this stunt, so I'm going to go out on a burning limb and assume they were so potential litigation against the organization could also be handled in the safest way possible.

But even with assurances by organizations that these stunts, these tests of faith, such as walking on hot coals, can be safe by simply employing the proper state of mind, I have to question the state of mind of people thinking it's okay to provide a risk to others and then shrug off an injury when it occurs by saying, "Hey, we didn't make them do it." Yes, you did. You and your program got a notion into their heads - motivated them - to make them believe they could face whatever challenge you put before them by equating not doing it with failure. So when this activity - which is touted as a metaphor for succeeding in life - fails, guess what's reinforced?

I've seen video of Mr. Robbins clearly stating during his performance that walking on fire is not the goal of the seminar, that it's only presented as a metaphor to demonstrate overcoming life's challenges. But some people attending the seminar apparently aren't getting that message, as noted by the quotes below:

           "The purpose of the event is to get your focus and your attention
             away from that (potential for injury) and look into the power within
             yourself and focus on just walking on the fire."
 
           "I did it before, didn't get into the right state and got burned. I knew I
            wasn't at my peak state. I didn't take it as serious."

           "...after crossing the coals while chanting (my) mantra of  'Cool moss,'
            (I) felt powerful."

Really, Mr. Cool moss-man? Let's see how powerful your "more money" mantra makes you during your next employee evaluation at work, okay? If Robbins' message didn't get across to these people that no focus, no state of mind, no mantra will protect them from getting burned, what other "life changing" messages were missed during the seminar? How about the message that by putting the right precautions in place (footwear), you minimize the perceived risks you face in life (hurting your feet) and develop the confidence to make decisions (putting on said footwear) that help you achieve success (crossing a fire pit)? Anybody get that one?

Mr. Robbins and his kind probably do a great service to those who need to understand they aren't alone in their fears. But these professional messengers should be able to communicate to their followers that they have the ability to step forward, confront the challenges in their lives, and become successful without the need to go circus-sideshow and have a person risk injury crossing a bed of hot coals barefoot to understand this.

Balloons = Happiness

Presenting the Grainiums (relatively) Safe Life Metaphor Challenge: Get a balloon. Start blowing it up. Keep blowing it up until you worry about it popping in your face. Do you feel tension build as the balloon gets bigger? Keep blowing. And the heightening anxiety with each breath as you wonder when it will pop? Keep blowing! Afraid it will hurt when it pops? Keep blowing!! Do you want to stop? NO!! BLOW!!

Did it scare the shit out of you when it finally popped? Are you still breathing? Then you aren't dead, you weenie, so go get another balloon and start blowing it up.

The point of the metaphor is this: As long as you're breathing, you still have the ability to affect change in your life and the opportunity to try again when things in your life pop.

And you get a balloon.