We're Back! (Just in time for the happy holidays!)

I'll explain where we've been on another post. For now, let's start shoveling some seasons griefings...

You read it politically correctly. Happy Holidays.

Not Merry Christmas. Happy. Holidays. Because on this blog, we say Happy Holidays until December 25th, which is Christmas Day. THAT's the day you're supposed to be merry. The rest of the time, you should just be happy.

But you're not happy, are you. Why? Is it because "Happy Holidays" is just another part of that anti-Christian conspiracy that's taken God out of everything from the Pledge of Allegiance to a bless you when you sneeze? Or perhaps you hearing anything other than "Merry Christmas" is more abusive to the spirit of the season than kicking a manger goat? Or maybe because you believe your Christmas is the only real one to celebrate and it shouldn't be bundled with all other forms of "Christmas" like they're insurance policies or cable service?

Whatever the reason, it's traumatic. Apparently so much so that it compels people to log onto their facebook accounts and post their Christmas vs. Holiday rant before Thanksgiving, like this one I saw on November 21st:

Seriously, man...you haven't even pushed your
fat ass away from the Thanksgiving table yet!

Want to know what kills my Christmas spirit? November 1st, the date when I start seeing everyone take down the fake Halloween spider webs decorating their homes and replace them with fake icicles. When I go shopping and have to listen to that nauseating endless loop of Christmas carols that continues in my head on the drive home. When I have to avoid eye contact with all the bell ringers posted up at the doors of every store. When I see the yard decor competitions that can get so intense it's a wonder to me that somebody hasn't mistakenly rushed themselves into putting their blow-up doll out with all of the other inflatables. "Uh, no kids, that's just one of Santa's helpers. Those? Those are Christmas stockings." Six weeks of this shit is a long time to be merry. Then add dealing with the Christmas hangover week, plus that asshole who'll inevitably tell everyone on January 2nd how many more shopping days there are until next Christmas. It seems like it'll never end.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays...even Season's Greetings. Who cares? If it's your choice to say Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays, just say it. If the person you're saying it to responds with Merry Christmas...congratulations, you just found another member of the club. But why get your shorts in a twist if that pharmacy clerk says Happy Holidays? Two words from a person you have no relationship with beyond them ringing up your rash cream? Two words from someone who you wouldn't give a second thought to on the sidewalk unless they said "Happy Holidays" in passing? Those two words are all it takes to kill your Christmas spirit? Does your plate really have room for engaging in such inconsequential bullshit? (Ed. note: For those of you thinking I'm being hypocritical, this blog is not my plate. It's my side dish.)

I was of the understanding that this was a time of year for tolerance, for spreading good cheer, for loving thy neighbor. Instead people fly into social media rages at each other or lobby to boycott retailers daring to acknowledge a seasonal reference over a specific day. People get wound up because they can only have holiday parties at work, not Christmas parties. Or worse, NO party at work. Oh, my God goodness! Blasphemers! It's okay to have a party at work instead of doing work, as long as it's not a Christmas party! Of course, I have no desire to invite any of these pricks to my house for eggnog and a gift exchange, but that's beside the point, God dammit!

Happy Holidays refers to the holiday season. Season. As in an extended length of time. It covers Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and whatever culturally acceptable celebration floats your gravy boat. After that you specify: Happy Thanksgiving on Thanksgiving Day, Merry Christmas on Christmas Day, Happy New...you get the idea. Other holidays don't get a six week lead-in. Mother's Day, Father's Day, Valentines Day...all one day. I don't wish someone a Happy Birthday when it's not their birthday. Why should Jesus be any different? Even to my wife, who thinks she can celebrate a "birthday month," I only wish her Happy Birthday ON her birthday. 

So get over yourselves and it, and just be glad someone is extending a friendly gesture, that someone wants you to be happy, or is at least wishing you happiness. Stop letting two words define what the season is to you, or define what you are to the season.