Words, Part 1: Bad Words

Blogger's note: "Words" is an ongoing feature in which I take a look at special qualities and misconceptions of the English language, how much fun it is to play with its words, and why it reigns as one of the hardest languages to master.

I don’t believe there are any bad words.

There are inappropriate words, and there are words used irresponsibly. There is bad grammar. But bad words? I don’t believe they exist. The choice to employ a particular word could be bad, but that just makes the choice bad, not the word bad. Bad, obscene, filthy, dirty, foul…they all imply the same thing toward words, and they’re all just as wrong in my book.

Where would we be today without

Noah Webster, the man who put

the dick in dictionary?

My book, by the way, is the dictionary. Webster’s, Merriam-Webster, New Oxford American, American Heritage. Abridged, unabridged. Hardbound, paperback, pocket, kindled. The dictionary is the toolbox of the wordsmith, and every good craftsman should be able to use every tool available. Every tool, though, has a designed use. As much as you shouldn’t use a wrench as a hammer, you shouldn’t call a retarded kid a retard. But that’s not to say you shouldn’t own a wrench or be able to use the words retarded or retard.

There were a lot of words I grew up with that were perfectly acceptable when I was a kid that now carry the stigma of being offensive. Retarded and gay, to name a couple. Here’s an actual dictionary definition for retarded: “adjective – characterized by retardation: a retarded child.” Retardation is a slowing of progress, a hindrance. It could be applied to a machine or anything else that has the capacity to be slowed in progress. But what example does the dictionary use? A retarded child. How’s that for irony? The very resource I refer to for my use of the English language provides for me an example of how to use a word in the very manner I’m apparently not supposed to use it. The dictionary can call a child a retard, but I can’t. That’s gay.

Yeah, as kids we called stuff gay a lot, too. I recall that some time ago there were commercials aired on television sponsored by the ADCouncil and GLSEN decrying the use of the word gay in referring to something being dumb or stupid, that using the word gay in that manner was apparently offensive to homosexual people. I thought, when was the homosexual community granted exclusive rights to the word gay? Gay was in the dictionary long before it was in the closet. Apparently, it came out with homosexual people and now it shares protected status with them. All things being equal, then, shouldn’t we also refrain from calling something stupid because it could be offensive to stupid people? Not that they'd know they're being offended, but that's beside the point.

There are plenty of words that have had definitions added to them due to popular usage. Ask someone in the South what a cracker is and I'll bet a number of respondents won't think saltine. Does the word "simple" mean easy, or ignorant. Let's ask some simple folk. And comedian Wanda Sykes can berate boys in a restaurant for saying gay is offensive all she wants, after she apologizes for making a joke of Rush Limbaugh's drug addiction, which to me was as equally offensive to all addicts as it was funny about Rush. If I say gay and I mean stupid, and it’s known that I mean stupid, then a homosexual person being offended by claiming I’m making a disparaging comment about their lifestyle is…well, gay. As in stupid.

I understand the sensitivity issues surrounding the use of some words. I don’t condone offending others, whether individually or as a group or culture, any more than I feel it’s right for others to place restrictions on me for the words I choose to use. That’s why I have rules for how I express myself verbally and in writing, especially when it comes to the use of what is commonly referred to as profanity.

Profanity, defined, is the state or quality of being profane. Profane has secular roots, a blasphemous application. A word deemed profane isn’t necessarily an obscenity, which itself is nothing more than a word deemed taboo – inappropriate – in polite company. For example, one may say to one's peers on the way to a work meeting, “I hate meeting with these assholes,” but one shouldn’t sit in a work meeting with those same assholes and ask, “How much longer are you assholes going to keep this meeting going?” Sensibility dictates that you really should know your audience and know just how far particular words travel in that company. I’ll spit fire in the cozy confines of my car at someone who cuts me off in traffic. I’ll do it in front of my wife. My kids are old enough that I’m comfortable taking the governor off my mouth and saying things in front of them I wouldn't have said when they were in car seats. But I wouldn’t walk down the cereal aisle of the grocery store pondering aloud, “How many different fucking types of Mini Wheats do we need?”

So rule number one, I take responsibility for what I say, the words I use. If I offend, I’ll apologize. I’ve been disciplined at work a couple of times for saying things that were far less inappropriate than what my peers have said on a regular basis. I didn’t say anything about the offended parties to offend them, but what came out of my mouth didn’t fit with the audience for which it was said. To whatever degree I said what I said, I was wrong. No excuses, no debate about it. Mea culpa for using the word “fucking” in your presence and hurting your virgin ears. Here’s a tissue, move on.

Rule number two, I pay attention that the words I use are in the proper context. More specifically, I don’t use language gratuitously. I know some people who interject variations of the word fuck into their speech with the same involuntary control as blinking their eyes. I'm a sniper, not a machine gunner. Using words like that dilutes their impact potential and makes the speaker sound just fucking unintelligent. (I know someone who would have added "fucking" five more times in that sentence.)

Here's the thing...a word is a word. It's a series of letters assembled to make speech intelligible, and any word used correctly and with personal responsibility should not be censored or condemned or muted. No one should tolerate being offended by language, but no one should automatically assume that a word or words rolling off someone's tongue is directed specifically at them in an offending manner unless the context of the use makes it clear that it is. I think we are smart enough to know when something is gay or retarded, and when someone is gay or retarded. If not, it's time for all of us retarded people to stop acting gay.