King of His Castle

A fat guy is suing White Castle because his fat gut can’t fit between the table and the seat.

I’m sorry. That was rather insensitive of me.

A man has filed a lawsuit against White Castle because he feels a restaurant in the chain has violated his rights under the American’s with Disabilities Act by not providing adequate seating to compensate for his size disability. The man says that while not humongous, he’s a big guy and should be afforded the same rights as pregnant women and the handicapped.
 

The man claims he cannot comfortably sit in the fast food chain’s booths. A photo of him shows his wedged gut being creased by the edge of the table. I’d post the whole photo, but I don’t have the space. You’ll just have to use your imagination, or look through the window of nearly any fast food restaurant between the hours of “Open” and “Closed.” It’s a sad photo really. He looks trapped, kind of like when you see a picture of an animal in one of those metal leg traps and think the only route to freedom is for the poor thing to chew its leg off, except in this case dude just needs to stop chewing and he’ll probably slide right out in a day or so.

When I first read this story and saw the photo I thought, “That poor man and his needless suffering.” For those of you who know me well, you know that there are several words omitted from that thought, done so from my abhorrence at the open use of profanity (those of you who know me really well, stop laughing). The story of this man's terrible situation, in fact, bothered me so deeply I began to cry screamed "Opportunity to comment!" so loudly it almost made my eardrums bleed.

First of all, a person’s refusal to say, “No thank you, I’ll have a salad instead,” is not a disability. It’s a fucking choice. I know, I know…there are people out there to whom food is an addiction, who suffer food-related psychological problems, etc., et al, ad nauseum. But the plaintiff isn’t claiming he’s addicted to the food, nor is he claiming the food caused him a serious health condition. He’s claiming he can’t fit comfortably in the seat to engage in an activity that increases the likelihood he’ll never be able to fit comfortably in the seat.

You know what it’s called

when a table edge hits

your gut? It’s called

“enough.”

Second – and we’re talking about a fat person, so you know there are going to be seconds – how can a man compare the size of his girthy, flabby, fleshy gut to the stomach of a pregnant woman? Okay, other than they’re both eating for two? I mean, for crying out loud, his situation is not the same as that of a woman carrying additional pounds for months that eventually have to be pushed out… Look, it’s not the same.

The man defends his rights and his size, saying he fits comfortably in other places, like on airplanes. Yeah, he’s comfortable. What about the rest of us? Should we have to sit next to an overly large person and worry if we're going to be able to get to the emergency exit, or that we'll have to punch their stuck ass through the door like a honey-fat Winnie the Pooh? At what point does his comfort violate my rights to my comfort? What if moving the table makes it uncomfortable for me to eat? Do I get to sue White Castle, too?

The man said the whole experience of not being able to go to one of his favorite places has left him feeling like an outcast. He claims he’s tried to work with the restaurant to resolve the seating enlargement issue, but after two and a half years the only thing that seems to have been expanded is his belt. Apparently the responses from White Castle, which included coupons for free burgers, have left him humiliated, so much so that he had to send his wife out with the coupons to get the free burgers (because that's not humiliating). And adding insult to injury, the cheese was extra!

I'm all for accommodations being made for people with legitimate disabilities and that’s what the A.D.A. was supposed to be for. It wasn’t intended to be a vehicle to give a naturally short person height by getting a court order to lower shelves in stores. Or to pay for a woman's breast implants because she thinks it'll make it easier for her to get a job at Hooters (although...). The A.D.A. certainly wasn't intended to make the world bigger so a "big guy" can appear like he fits in it. That's what fun house mirrors in carnivals are for.

It's unfortunate this kind of shameful, litigious crap is allowed to infect our legal system - in this case, weigh it down. A person shouldn't - I say a person shouldn't because apparently a person can, therefore I can't say a person can't - be able to file a lawsuit alleging discrimination that piggybacks standards applicable to, say, a handicapped person if a handicapped person isn't being discriminated against. In other words, if the restaurant complies with A.D.A. requirements for handicap accessibility, then the only beef here is what's between the buns.

I suppose there's no chance someone with some sensibility will step in and explain that there are alternatives to his problem - like, say, eating in moderation. But if he feels compelled to exercise his rights, fine. Let him. By the look of him it's probably the only exercise this guy will have seen in years.