A World Without Jobs

There is no doubt anyone who is everyone, to some extent, will be impacted by the loss of jobs.

I mean Jobs.

As in Steve Jobs.

Before getting labeled as uncaring or cold hearted or jealously poor, let me say I have sympathy for Mr. Jobs’ family and those closest to him for their loss. He is an American business icon – or iCon – who contributed greatly to transforming the way we distract ourselves in how we live, work and drive. Steve Jobs’ contributions to society as a whole are on par with some of the most noted visionaries the modern world has ever known. It would be insensitive of me to mock his death.

But not necessarily insensitive of me to mock some of those who mourn him.

An Apple worshiper genuflects before

entering the iTemple in Los Gatos, CA.

I’m not talking about his peers or Apple’s employees, who certainly have the right to celebrate or castigate him. Or Apple’s stockholders, many of whom likely suffered a portfolian, oh-shit stroke as they flashed back to 1985. I’m talking about the average person who felt compelled to turn their local Apple Store into a memorial by dropping a bouquet or lighting a candle in his honor before going inside to spend $400 on a 64-gig phone that’s probably going to be upgraded and outdated by the time they figure out how to use it. I’m talking about people who will mark his passing by making an emotional pilgrimage to Cupertino, CA, to view the center of the universe as they know it, the core of the Apple, as it were.

Did You Know: Cupertino owes its earliest mention in recorded history to the expedition led by the Spanish explorer, Captain Juan Bautista de Anza, who was on his way to San Francisco to establish a presidio but took a wrong turn after his cell signal dropped and his navigation app failed.

I caught news of a guy who took time off from work to take his 3- or 4-year-old on a drive-by of the corporate complex like it was a national monument. There were reports of groups of people, iPhones in hand with arms raised high, holding candlelight app vigils. A mourner expressed regret that Jobs had not lived to see even closer links between humans and their devices. Hell, there are people who have closer links to their phones than they do to their kids. There are people who suffer separation anxiety having to shut down their iGadgets on airplanes. Folks have the ability to pleasure themselves in public with something in the palm of their hand that won't require them to register as a sex offender. How much closer to your device do you want to be?

I found it amazing seeing people update their Facebook statuses to tell everyone how they are “connected” to Steve Jobs like it’s a Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon game. Really? You went to the same schools he did? Lived in the same city? Jesus, does your family know how close you were? “Hey, kids, Steve Jobs and I drove down this same street once. He was three cars ahead of me, but we stopped at this same intersection waiting for this same light to change.” The kids either a) don’t care because they don’t know who Steve Jobs is, or b) aren't listening because they have earbuds implanted into their heads with one of many of shut-out-the-parent apps running. I have one big degree of separation from Steve Jobs. It’s called my bank account. 

Hardcore fanboys can join the current movement to create a Steve Jobs Day. There's a website that encourages you to look like him. Put on that black turtleneck (sales of $175 black turtlenecks have doubled since his death), and for full legacy-perpetuating effect, throw on your blue jeans and slip on your tennis shoes. Then update your picture on Facebook or change your Twitter profile photo with you as Steve. Don't forget to leave a comment about how he has affected your life, or how you want your kid to grow up to be just like him. Yeah, well, you can have your kid look like Steve Jobs, but to actually be like Steve Jobs? No, what you actually want is for your kid to be rich and famous like Steve, because the odds are when your kid tells you they're dropping out of college like Steve, he or she will have a better chance pushing a broom at a place like Apple than running one.

While his death is sad, I can't bring myself to shed a tear over it. Music didn't stop when John Lennon died, lights have lasted much longer than Edison, and if there wasn't an Alexander Graham Bell there wouldn't be a need today for no-call lists. And all of them, like Steve Jobs, piggybacked on the accomplishments of others...and others will ride into the future on his. I don’t think of Jobs as the company as much as he was the face of the company. Sure, he was a founder, but there comes a point when success allows you to place certain burdens on the shoulders of others. Disney eventually cut back on drawing the art when he was able to hire artists to color his dreams for him. Likewise, I don’t think Mr. Jobs spent a whole lot of time soldering circuits.

Others may wish to remember him over their iPhones, iMacs and iPods, or set up impromptu, sidewalk sticky note mosaics. If I'm to celebrate Mr. Jobs, it will be for how he exemplified for me the "iDeal" of a true American Dream...making millions sitting around thinking shit up and having others do the work.