A Bad Sunset

Sunset Magazine, the magazine for those "living in the west," issued its February edition which included an article on the 20 best fantasy places to live. There were four categories: Woodsy, Wine Country, Tropical and, for those wanting to move verrrry west, Pacific Rim. Listed in each of the four categories were five towns along with an interview of a family who offer advice to help you make that move "from daily grind to living in paradise." To my surprise-bordering-on-utter-disbelief, Boulder Creek, California, landed one of the five Woodsy spots.

Other than their short, poetic reference, which I reprinted below, Sunset didn't offer any substance in the article to support its picks. I emailed Sunset to ask them what research was involved in their decision-making process. I have received two thank you responses for my inquiry, but no explanation. What they printed in the article was laughable and deserving of criticism. Before I blast them for what they wrote, however, it is only fair that I establish a basis for why I believe they failed.

Even the Boulder Creek bear is brown bagging.

First, before any of you hill people get all up in my ass about stereotyping the Santa Cruz Mountain culture, remember that you stereotype yourself - and do so openly - with every drink you take from your brown-bagged bottle at the bus stop/Probation Department shuttle, with every snide comment you make about people coming "over the hill" and encroaching on your way of life (those would be the people with jobs and money contributing to the tax base and property values), and with every reference you make to living a rugged, throwback lifestyle while your generator runs because another fallen tree took out the power. I am merely acknowledging your opinion of yourself before offering mine, which is open to allowing you to freely insert any grammatically correct form of the word "hypocrite" after the word "you." That said, if anyone in the San Lorenzo valley is offended by criticism, you should stop reading. Or interrupt the person reading this to you.

Let me preface my completely personal spew by stating that I have nothing against the people in the community of Boulder Creek. But other than a mailbox, I don't have much in common with them either. Although I have lived in Boulder Creek for the past two years, I am not of the "mountain folk." I was born and raised over the hill, in the Santa Clara valley, in a culturally diverse, San Francisco bay area suburb where flannel is preferred for use as a bedding material rather than clothing. I live in Boulder Creek only because I married into the mountain environment, the very act a testament to my love for my wife, who was also raised in the same suburban area I was before she moved into the woods some 25 years ago. I would hazard to guess - and why wouldn't I hazard - that like me a large number of the 4,000+ people in Boulder Creek also do most of their "living" in Scotts Valley, Santa Cruz, Los Gatos, and a number of other places where hygiene is a practice and not a greeting to a neighbor named Gene.

Contrary to what I imagine Sunset Magazine believes, Boulder Creek is not a fantasy destination. It's a place to pass through. Granted, I haven't explored the entire town border to border, but excluding a few residential pockets around town, I've found it more rusty than rustic. While there are a couple of knick-knack shops, the town has no particular attraction that would encourage one to stop any longer than it takes at the town's lone stop sign. If your definition of living is similar to mine, it includes having certain amenities related to keeping members of the community in the community. For example, I live close enough to town to take a leisurely stroll for a morning cup of coffee, and would if a) there were places to sit and enjoy it other than curbs and retaining walls and b) if the people sitting on the curbs and retaining walls weren't polluting the air with cigarette and pot smoke. In fact, there's nowhere in town to just sit and relax.

Boulder Creek, Ca, coffee shop                    Auburn, Ca, coffee shop

Even as I write this, I received the February 24th edition of the Press Banner, the local paper, which has a cover photo of a Boulder Creek child enjoying a sunny day at the park...7 miles away in the town of Felton! BC has a park in town, Junction Park, and the people I've seen hanging out there the few times I've gone by make it look like a failed Occupy encampment.

But Sunset Magazine thinks this could be your dream move. And who am I to argue with the experts at Sunset? And they are experts because it says so right on their website. "Sunset is the premier resource for achieving the ultimate Western lifestyle. Our experts focus on travel destinations in the 13 Westerns states, home design outdoor living ideas suited to our region,..." The magazine has been publishing their expertise in pretty much the same manner since the second World War. So here is the magazine article verbatim describing why Boulder Creek landed one of the top five "woodsy" spots:

"Just over the hill from schmancy Woodside, absurdly rural Boulder Creek (and neighbor La Honda) has the open space to keep cyclists, hikers, and horses happy."

Wow! That's some definitive, fact-filled sales pitch. Here's a fact they left out: According to Google Maps, Boulder Creek is about 34 miles from Woodside, or about a one hour drive. That's "just over the hill" the way Hawaii is just a short flight from Los Angeles. And our "neighbor" La Honda is just as far. In fact, at 12 miles and 24 minutes, La Honda is actually "just over the hill" from Woodside. And how about the four families they interviewed who made these fantasy moves? None of them moved to Boulder Creek. Of the four, three of them had businesses that didn't require local commerce to sustain them, and the fourth started a niche bakery, which would die in a place like Boulder Creek because a $3 gluten-free, vegan cupcake doesn't go with chainsaws, cigarettes and liquor. Might help with the pot munchies, but having those folks hang out at your front door while the yeast rises won't entice mom and dad to pull the Lexus over to grab a snack on the way to Santa Cruz. Or the park in Felton. Three of those families also had children, and I would question why you would want to raise your kids in an environment where most parents want them to be able to leave after graduating high school.

Apparently Sunset Magazine feels its reputation is solid enough that they can piss on your leg and make you believe it's actually raining, which in Boulder Creek is a pretty bold feat considering it gets about 48 inches of rain per year. Those climatically challenged pussies living just over the hill in schmancy Woodside get less than 29 inches. So if you want to move to "absurdly rural" Boulder Creek to happily bike, hike or horseback ride as Sunset suggests, you better be happy doing it wet. Otherwise, hold onto your dreams and wait for another sunset.